THE ABCs OF GERRY
Celebrating 11 Years of Not Dying
Dedication
Dedicated to Gerry,
For surviving necrotizing fasciitis in 2015
and continuing to confuse medical science ever since.
Happy 11th Deathiversary.
Love, Ally
Gerry hates geese. So naturally…
How to Celebrate a Gerry Deathiversary
Celebrating a Gerry Deathiversary is a very important annual tradition. Please follow these official steps.
Step 1
Remember that on March 16, 2015, Gerry almost died… but didn't.
Step 2
Take a moment to appreciate the fact that Gerry is still here.
Step 3
Celebrate the victory: Gerry 1 — Necrotizing Fasciitis 0
Step 4
Make jokes about how Gerry is now medically classified as "extremely difficult to kill."
Step 5
Laugh about the fact that most people celebrate birthdays, but Gerry celebrates not dying.
Step 6
Recognize the extra years: 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026.
Step 7
Remind Gerry that surviving something like that makes him a certified legend.
Step 8
Repeat every year. 🔁
Deathiversary (noun)
The anniversary of the day someone almost died… but didn't.
"Happy Deathiversary, Gerry."
The Gerry Timeline
The Year He Refused to Die
Early 2015
Gerry is living a normal life, completely unaware that bacteria are about to make a very bad decision.
March 16, 2015
Necrotizing fasciitis enters the chat. Doctors get serious. Hospitals get involved. Things become very real, very fast. But Gerry refuses to cooperate with the part where he dies.
Hospital Era (2015)
Doctors work hard. Gerry fights hard. Everyone realizes this situation is serious. But somehow… Gerry keeps improving.
Recovery Phase
Against some pretty scary odds, Gerry pulls through. Medical science is impressed. Friends and family are relieved. Gerry officially earns the title: Necrotizing Fasciitis Survivor.
The Birth of a Holiday
Instead of ignoring the day he almost died, Gerry turns it into a celebration. Thus, the Annual Gerry Deathiversary is born.
2016–2026
Year after year, March 16 becomes a reminder of: Strength, Resilience, Humor, and the fact that Gerry is very bad at dying.
Present Day — 11 Years Later
Gerry is still here. Still laughing. Still traveling. Still confusing medical science. And still celebrating his Deathiversary every year.
Gerry Survival Stats
Current Scoreboard
Career Achievements
Gerry's Medical Report Card
Patient: Gerry · Evaluation Period: 2015 – Present · Primary Diagnosis: Still Alive
| Category | Grade | Doctor's Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Survival Skills | A+ | Refuses to die |
| Stubbornness | A+ | Possibly the main reason he survived |
| Humor During Crisis | A | Continues making jokes |
| Listening to Doctors | C | Selectively hears instructions |
| Resilience | A+ | Extremely strong recovery |
| Luck | A+++ | Suspiciously high levels |
| Medical Drama | A | Keeps doctors on their toes |
| Chaos Factor | A | Creates mild confusion |
| Ability to Shock Medical Staff | A+ | Still doing it |
Overall Grade: A+
Patient is annoyingly resilient and shows no signs of dying anytime soon.
"Patient continues to defy expectations." — Doctor's Official Comment
Things That Tried to Kill Gerry
(But Failed)
Over the years, several things have attempted to end Gerry's story. Fortunately, none of them succeeded.
Final Score
The ABCs of Gerry
Celebrating 11 Years of Not Dying
A — Almost Died (But Didn't)
On March 16, 2015, necrotizing fasciitis showed up uninvited. Instead of dying, Gerry simply decided to keep living, confusing doctors, bacteria, and probably death itself.
B — Baum Squad
Leader, founder, and lifelong member. Membership requirements: being Gerry, supporting chaos, and making people laugh.
C — Comebacks
Gerry always has a comeback ready. Sometimes before the other person even finishes their sentence.
D — Deathiversary
Most people celebrate birthdays. Gerry celebrates the anniversary of not dying. Honestly might be the better holiday.
E — Excellent Memory
Random history facts, documentary details, conversations from 10 years ago. Debating him is dangerous.
F — Funny
Life with Gerry means laughing. Sometimes at things that absolutely should not be funny but somehow are.
G — Gerry
The man. The myth. The medically confusing survivor.
H — Humor
If humor were medicine, Gerry probably overdosed on it. Which might explain a lot.
I — Impossible to Kill
At this point it's basically science.
J — Jamaica
One of the first big trips Gerry and Ally took together. Sun, ocean, drinks, adventures — and the start of exploring the world together.
K — Knowledge
Random trivia. History facts. Strange information no one asked for. Gerry somehow knows all of it.
L — Lucky
Very lucky. Suspiciously lucky. "Doctors shaking their heads" levels of lucky.
M — March 16
Instead of ignoring it, Gerry turned it into a holiday celebrating survival, stubbornness, humor, and being very bad at dying.
N — Necrotizing Fasciitis Survivor
Not a title anyone wants. But one Gerry earned. And defeated.
O — Odds
Doctors weren't sure what the odds were. But Gerry beat them anyway.
P — Perspective
The little things matter more. The funny moments matter more. Every extra year becomes worth celebrating.
Q — Questionable Medical Decisions
Including remaining humorous during serious hospital conversations and being stubborn with medical advice.
R — Resilient
You don't go through something like that without being strong. And Gerry proved he is.
S — Silly Goose 🪿
Gerry hates geese. Which is exactly why he will forever be known as A Silly Goose. The goose irony cannot be avoided.
T — Travel
Road trips. Flights. Adventures. Every trip is another reminder that the best thing Gerry did after 2015 was keep living.
U — Unkillable
Current working theory.
V — Victory
Every Deathiversary is another victory. Gerry: 1, Flesh-Eating Bacteria: 0.
W — Wit
Quick. Sharp. Usually sarcastic. Classic Gerry.
X — X-Factor
Doctors still can't explain it. But Gerry clearly has something.
Y — Years
11 years. 4,000+ days. Millions of minutes. All since Gerry refused to die.
Z — Zombie Gerry
He survived something most wouldn't. Came back stronger. Celebrates it every year. If that's not a zombie origin story, it's close.
Questions Doctors Still Have About Gerry
Even after years of medical training, research, and experience… some things about Gerry remain a mystery.
- How did he survive that?
- Is stubbornness a medically measurable trait?
- Should humor be considered a survival mechanism?
- How much luck can one person actually have?
- Is Gerry technically a medical anomaly?
- Did he survive purely out of spite?
- Should we be studying Gerry for science?
- Why was he still making jokes during recovery?
- Is "refusing to die" a real medical strategy?
- Is Gerry officially… hard to kill?
Current Medical Conclusion
Gerry possesses an unusual combination of: Stubbornness, Humor, Resilience, and Luck.
Further research may be required. 😄
Things Gerry Has Done Instead of Dying
Since March 16, 2015, Gerry has spent 11 years doing literally anything else besides dying.
🏆 Official Certificate of Survival 🏆
This document certifies that
GERRY
has successfully survived Necrotizing Fasciitis, extremely scary medical odds, the year 2015, and 11 additional years of life.
Because of these accomplishments, Gerry is hereby awarded the title of:
Presented on the 11th Annual Gerry Deathiversary
March 16, 2026
By Ally
Witnessed by Medical Science (still slightly confused)
Official Status: Alive, resilient, and extremely difficult to kill.
The Gerry Experience
Some people get birthdays.
Gerry Gets Deathiversaries.
Happy 11 Years of Not Dying.
❤️
Love, Ally
Years Since Refusing to Die: 11